{"id":1304,"date":"2015-06-12T16:11:03","date_gmt":"2015-06-12T20:11:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beingbobblog.com\/?p=1304"},"modified":"2015-09-21T20:12:42","modified_gmt":"2015-09-22T00:12:42","slug":"7-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-discouraged-and-defeated","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/7-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-discouraged-and-defeated\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Things to Remember When You Feel Discouraged and Defeated"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/h2>\n
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\"7<\/p>\n

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The worst enemy to productivity and creativity is self-pity.<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This morning I didn\u2019t feel like doing anything.\u00c2\u00a0 It\u2019s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep with a baby in the house.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me.\u00c2\u00a0 I just felt completely discouraged and defeated.\u00c2\u00a0 I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to get out of it.\u00c2\u00a0 Should I just forget about today?\u00c2\u00a0 Should I just give up on this project, because I\u2019m not as good at it as I thought I was?<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s what I was considering, at least for a little while.\u00c2\u00a0 But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression was temporary, and so I dug into my own intellectual toolbox for solutions \u00e2\u20ac\u201c little tricks of the mind that can have a real effect on reality.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what works for me \u00e2\u20ac\u201c seven things to keep in mind (and do) when you feel discouraged and defeated:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.\u00c2\u00a0 You are not the center of the universe (stop making it all about YOU).<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

I think we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.\u00c2\u00a0 But this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren\u2019t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren\u2019t perfect.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So this morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help.\u00c2\u00a0 Finding little ways to help others gets me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I\u2019m not wallowing in self-pity anymore \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u2019m starting to think about what others need.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u2019m not doubting myself, because the question of whether I\u2019m good enough or not is no longer the central question.\u00c2\u00a0 The central question now is about what others need.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Thus, thinking about others instead of oneself helps solve feelings of discouragement and defeat.<\/strong><\/p>\n

2.\u00c2\u00a0 It is your resistance to \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcwhat is\u2019 that causes your suffering (be present).<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

This morning my mind was ruminating about every time and place other than the time and place I was in.\u00c2\u00a0 When I caught myself doing this, I brought my focus back to the present.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcwhat is,\u2019 rather than wishing for and worrying about \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcwhat is not.\u2019\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWhat is\u2019 is what\u2019s supposed to be, or it would not be.\u00c2\u00a0 The rest is just you, arguing with life.\u00c2\u00a0 Think about that for a minute.\u00c2\u00a0 This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are in the present.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Although you can\u2019t control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens.\u00c2\u00a0 In your response is your power.\u00c2\u00a0 In your power is your presence.\u00c2\u00a0 (Read A New Earth<\/a>.)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

3.\u00c2\u00a0 You are more than one thing (loosen up and stretch your identity).<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves \u00e2\u20ac\u201c this idea of what kind of person we are.\u00c2\u00a0 When this idea gets threatened, we react defensively.\u00c2\u00a0 People may question whether we did a good job, and this threatens our idea of being a competent person, so we become angry or hurt by the criticism<\/a>.\u00c2\u00a0 Someone falsely accuses us of something and this threatens our idea that we\u2019re a good person, and so we get angry and attack the other person.\u00c2\u00a0 My identity of myself as someone who\u2019s motivated and productive and has great ideas\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 this was getting in the way this morning.\u00c2\u00a0 When I wasn\u2019t productive, it made me feel defeated because I began subconsciously worrying that I wasn\u2019t who I thought I was.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

My solution was to realize that I\u2019m not just one thing.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u2019m not always productive \u00e2\u20ac\u201c sometimes I am, but sometimes I\u2019m unproductive too.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u2019m not always motivated \u00e2\u20ac\u201d sometimes I am, but other times I\u2019m feeling lazy.\u00c2\u00a0 And obviously I don\u2019t always have great ideas either \u00e2\u20ac\u201c because that\u2019s impossible.\u00c2\u00a0 The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it isn\u2019t so fragile.\u00c2\u00a0 Then it doesn\u2019t matter if someone thinks I didn\u2019t do a good job \u00e2\u20ac\u201c because I don\u2019t always do a good job.\u00c2\u00a0 I make mistakes.\u00c2\u00a0 I am less than perfect.\u00c2\u00a0 And that\u2019s perfectly OK.<\/strong><\/p>\n

4. Today is still a priceless gift (make the best of it).<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

I only have so many days left on Earth.\u00c2\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how many that is, but I do know it\u2019s a very limited number.\u00c2\u00a0 I know that each one of those limited days is a gift, a blessing\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 a miracle.\u00c2\u00a0 And that squandering this miracle is a crime \u00e2\u20ac\u201c a horrible lack of appreciation for what I\u2019ve been given.\u00c2\u00a0 And so, I reminded myself this morning that this day counts and that I still need to make the best of it.\u00c2\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t mean I need to be hyper-productive or work myself into the ground, but that I should do something worthwhile.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sometimes taking a break to nourish yourself is a worthwhile activity, because doing so allows you to regroup and do other worthwhile things.\u00c2\u00a0 But just sitting around in self-pity isn\u2019t helpful.\u00c2\u00a0 So I got up and took my 8-month old son, Mac, for a long walk that we both enjoyed, and I came back feeling better.\u00c2\u00a0 (Read The Miracle Morning<\/a>.)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

5.\u00c2\u00a0 Complaining is only making matters worse (find a solution).<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

When I get in a funk, I have a tendency to complain out loud to everyone around who\u2019s close enough to hear me.\u00c2\u00a0 Obviously, this doesn\u2019t help them, or me.\u00c2\u00a0 And as soon as I catch myself doing this, I force myself to shift gears.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now.\u00c2\u00a0 Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it.\u00c2\u00a0 Complaining does not work as a strategy.\u00c2\u00a0 We all have limited time and energy.\u00c2\u00a0 Any amount of time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve anything worthwhile.\u00c2\u00a0 And it won\u2019t make us any happier either.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you took 10% of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving your present problem, you\u2019d be surprised by how well and how fast things can work out.\u00c2\u00a0 (I forget this sometimes, which is why I\u2019m writing it down again \u00e2\u20ac\u201c to remind myself.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Working as a life coach for the past decade with people who\u2019ve suffered major trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it around, I know we all have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we often believe.\u00c2\u00a0 When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you\u2019ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.<\/strong><\/p>\n

6. Feeling discouraged and defeated is a sign that it\u2019s time to make a change (make that change).<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habits.\u00c2\u00a0 But the point in any case is that the way you are doing things is no longer working.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When we feel discouraged and defeated, typically our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame.\u00c2\u00a0 In reality, we ought to be looking at how we\u2019re feeling, what we\u2019re thinking, and how we plan to respond.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your life is your responsibility.\u00c2\u00a0 While you can\u2019t always change what\u2019s outside of you, you can certainly change your perception of it.\u00c2\u00a0 And the funny thing is, when you change the way you look at things, the things themselves change, which paves the way for positive action.\u00c2\u00a0 (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Adversity\u00e2\u20ac\u009d chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently<\/a>.)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

7.\u00c2\u00a0 Even the tiniest possible step is progress. (take a tiny step NOW).<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

It can be hard to get moving when you\u2019re seriously stuck.\u00c2\u00a0 This is how I felt a decade ago when I was stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones to illness and my breadwinning job.\u00c2\u00a0 It was really hard to motivate myself when I didn\u2019t think I had the strength to push forward \u00e2\u20ac\u201c when I felt insanely horrible and sorry for myself.\u00c2\u00a0 But I took one tiny step every day, and it felt good, and I got stronger.<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s what I did this morning too \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I took the tiniest possible step.\u00c2\u00a0 Just turning on my computer, opening up a document, and writing a single sentence.\u00c2\u00a0 Such an action is so small as to seem insignificant, and yet so easy as to be possible when I was feeling defeated.\u00c2\u00a0 And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next.\u00c2\u00a0 And the end result is this blog post you\u2019re reading now.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Closing Thoughts<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Yes, I\u2019m still feeling out of it, but not defeated.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u2019m feeling stronger, because I took these steps.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I know some of you feel the same way from time to time, maybe more often than you\u2019d like to admit.\u00c2\u00a0 That\u2019s OK.\u00c2\u00a0 We all do.\u00c2\u00a0 We aren\u2019t machines, constantly charged up and ready to fire on all cylinders.\u00c2\u00a0 We are human, which means we falter, we doubt, and we feel pain sometimes.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And this too shall pass.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your turn\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/strong><\/h3>\n

What would you add to the list?\u00c2\u00a0 What do you try to keep in mind to motivate yourself when you\u2019re feeling discouraged and defeated?\u00c2\u00a0 Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Bookmark<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The worst enemy to productivity and creativity is self-pity. This<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5,12,8],"tags":[887,366],"class_list":["post-1304","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-all-posts-comments","category-events","category-stuff","tag-closing-thoughts","tag-ok"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","featured_image_urls":{"full":"","thumbnail":"","medium":"","medium_large":"","large":"","1536x1536":"","2048x2048":"","chromenews-featured":"","chromenews-large":"","chromenews-medium":""},"author_info":{"display_name":"Being BOB","author_link":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/author\/admin\/"},"category_info":"All Posts & Comments<\/a> Events<\/a> Stuff<\/a>","tag_info":"Stuff","comment_count":"0","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p822aG-l2","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1304","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1304"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1304\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1304"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1304"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beingbobblog.com\/happy-holidays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1304"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}