How do you talk with your parents about moving?

Here’s my very best advice.

Don’t. As least not yet. (For my REALTOR friends reading this…No, I’m not crazy).

Before you sit down and have one of those discussions with your aging parents, I would ask you to walk through this exercise and see if you really do need to have that discussion.

First, ask yourself, why do you want your parents to move?

a) I want my parents to move closer to me so I don’t have to drive so far to visit.

b) My parents call me numerous times during the week to ask me to do things for them, and I’m just too busy. They would not have to call me as much if they were in a building where other’s could help them.

c) My parents are no longer able to take care of the house. They seem to be doing okay otherwise, but the house needs a lot of fixing up.

d) I’m worried about my parent’s safety.

Here are some thoughts you might consider.Â If you answered:

A. It can be nerve wracking to worry about your parents and not be able to be with them as often as you like. Unless your parent has told you they would like to be closer to you and/or the grandchildren, this is NOT the reason to have a conversation about your parent moving. If the concern is really a lack of a support system for your parent, check with the County, and local block nurse programs to see if you can arrange for companionship for your parent. There are also companies that provide companion care, be sure you check for references before you hire anyone.

B. Are your parents: lonely? or do they REALLY need your help?

There are two things we all need to get along in life. First, we all need a sense ofÂ community; a support system, to know that we matter to someone. Are you getting frequent calls because your parent’s friends have all moved out of the neighborhood and there’s no one else for them to call?

Second, we all need safety and security. These phone calls could be due to a sense of insecurity due to being alone, or there could be some items around the house that really do need to be taken care of to make sure your parent is safe in their home. When my parents call me to come over to set the time on the VCR, I know they feel like it’s been too long since my last visit (even it it’s only been a few days). Spend some time thinking about this because one requires a hug, and one requires a handyman.

c) If your parents want to stay in the home, and they have the means to take care of the items that need to be fixed for the house to be safe, why shouldn’t they stay?Â Sometimes, however, seniors stay too long in their homes.

d) If the safety concerns are about your parent being alone, check into some companion care. If the safety concerns are about the decline of the neighborhood or your parents attention to details or their balance, perhaps in home health care or a move make more sense.

It’s easy for our emotions to get in the way when we are dealing with family members and loved ones.Â Try to remember your parents really only owe you one thing…that’s piece of mind. As long as they have put measures in place to provide for their safety, whether they move or not should be THEIR decision.